9 Make People Glad to Do What You Want

Back in 1915, America was aghast. For more than a year, the nations of Europe had been slaughtering one another on a scale never before dreamed of in all the bloody annals of humankind. Could peace be brought about? No one knew. But Woodrow Wilson was determined to try. He would send a personal representative, a peace emissary, to counsel with the warlords of Europe.

William Jennings Bryan, Secretary of State, Bryan the peace advocate, longed to go. He saw a chance to perform a great service and make his name immortal. But Wilson appointed another man, his intimate friend and advisor Colonel Edward M. House; and it was House’s thorny task to break the unwelcome news to Bryan without giving him offense.

“Bryan was distinctly disappointed when he heard I was to go to Europe as the peace emissary,” Colonel House records in his diary. “He said he had planned to do this himself….

“I replied that the President thought it would be unwise for anyone to do this officially, and that his going would attract a great deal of attention and people would wonder why he was there….”

You see the intimation? House practically told Bryan that he was too important for the job—and Bryan was satisfied.

Colonel House, adroit, experienced in the ways of the world, was following one of the important rules of human relations: Always make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

Woodrow Wilson followed that policy even when inviting William G. McAdoo to become a member of his cabinet. That was the highest honor he could confer upon anyone, and yet Wilson extended the invitation in such a way as to make McAdoo feel doubly important. Here is the story in McAdoo’s own words: “He [Wilson] said that he was making up his cabinet and that he would be very glad if I would accept a place in it as Secretary of the Treasury. He had a delightful way of putting things; he created the impression that by accepting this great honor I would be doing him a favor.”

Unfortunately, Wilson didn’t always employ such tact. If he had, history might have been different. For example, Wilson didn’t make the Senate and the Republican Party happy by entering the United States in the League of Nations. Wilson refused to take such prominent Republican leaders as Elihu Root or Charles Evans Hughes or Henry Cabot Lodge to the peace conference with him. Instead, he took along unknown men from his own party. He snubbed the Republicans, refused to let them feel that the League was their idea as well as his, refused to let them have a finger in the pie; and, as a result of this crude handling of human relations, wrecked his own career, ruined his health, shortened his life, caused America to stay out of the League, and altered the history of the world.

Diplomats aren’t the only ones who use this approach. The famous publishing house of Doubleday Page always followed this rule: Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest. This firm was so expert at it that even the glorious short-story writer O. Henry declared that Doubleday Page could refuse one of his stories and do it with such graciousness, such appreciation, that he felt better when Doubleday refused a story then when another publisher accepted one!

While this skill may seem to come naturally to some, anyone can master it if they recognize its importance. It is only a matter of finding a way for others to get something out of helping us; recognition, appreciation, or a reward for their cooperation. Dale O. Ferrier of Fort Wayne, Indiana, told how he encouraged one of his young children, Jeff, to willingly do the chore he was assigned.

“One of Jeff’s chores was to pick up pears from under the pear trees so the person who was mowing underneath wouldn’t have to stop to pick them up. Jeff didn’t like this chore, and frequently it was either not done at all or done so poorly that the mower did have to stop and pick up several pears that Jeff had missed. Rather than have an eyeball-to-eyeball confrontation about it, one day I said to him: ‘Jeff, I’ll make a deal with you. For every bushel basket full of pears you pick up, I’ll pay you one dollar. But after you are finished, for every pear I find left in the yard, I’ll take away a dollar. How does that sound?’ As you would expect, he not only picked up all of the pears, but I had to keep an eye on him to see that he didn’t pull a few off the trees to fill up some of the baskets.”

I knew a man who had to refuse many invitations to speak, invitations extended by friends, invitations coming from people to whom he was obligated; and yet he did it so adroitly that the other person was at least contented with his refusal. How did he do it? Not by merely talking about the fact that he was too busy and too-this and too-that. No, after expressing his appreciation of the invitation and regretting his inability to accept it, he suggested a substitute speaker. In other words, he didn’t give the other person any time to feel unhappy about the refusal. He immediately changed the other person’s thoughts to some other fine orator who could accept the invitation. “Why don’t you get my friend, Cleveland Rodgers, the editor of the Brooklyn Eagle, to speak for you?” he would suggest. “Or have you thought about trying Guy Hickok? He lived in Paris for fifteen years and has some astonishing stories to tell about his time as a foreign correspondent.”

Gunter Schmidt, who took my course, told of an employee in the food store he managed who was negligent about putting the proper price tags on the shelves where the items were displayed. This caused confusion and customer complaints. Reminders, admonitions, confrontations with the employee about this did not do much good. Finally, Mr. Schmidt called the young man into his office and told him he was appointing him Supervisor of Price Tag Posting for the entire store and he would be responsible for keeping all of the shelves properly tagged. This new responsibility and title changed the young man’s attitude completely, and he fulfilled his duties satisfactorily from then on.

Childish? Perhaps. But that is what they said to Napoleon when he created the Legion of Honor and distributed 15,000 crosses to his soldiers and made eighteen of his generals “Marshals of France” and called his troops the “Grand Army.” Napoleon was criticized for giving “toys” to war-hardened veterans, and Napoleon replied, “Men are ruled by toys.”

This technique of giving titles and authority worked for Napoleon and it will work for you. For example, a friend of mine, Mrs. Ernest Gent of Scarsdale, New York, was troubled by boys running across and destroying her lawn. She tried criticism. She tried coaxing. Neither worked. Then she tried giving the worst sinner in the gang a title and a feeling of authority. She made him her “detective” and put him in charge of keeping all trespassers off her lawn. That solved her problem. Her “detective” built a bonfire in the backyard, heated an iron red hot, and threatened to brand any boy who stepped on the lawn.

This is human nature. So if you want to effect a change in others, people are more likely to do what you would like them to do when you use…

PRINCIPLE 9

Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.