Inside relationships it’s important to first understand who’s coming into the relationship, and not just your partner. You need to understand yourself first.
How can you ever expect anyone else to enjoy your company if you don’t enjoy your own company? And so again, the law of attraction or The Secret is about bringing that into your life. You’ve got to get really, really clear. Here’s the question I would ask you to consider: Do you treat yourself the way you want other people to treat you?
When you do not treat yourself the way you want others to treat you, you can never change the way things are. Your actions are your powerful thoughts, so if you do not treat yourself with love and respect, you are emitting a signal that is saying you are not important enough, worthy enough, or deserving. That signal will continue to be broadcast, and you will experience more situations of people not treating you well. The people are just the effect. Your thoughts are the cause. You must begin to treat yourself with love and respect, and emit that signal and get on that frequency. Then the law of attraction will move the entire Universe, and your life will be full of people who love and respect you.
Many people have sacrificed themselves for others, thinking when they sacrifice themselves they are being a good person. Wrong! To sacrifice yourself can only come from thoughts of absolute lack, because it is saying, “There is not enough for everyone, so I will go without.” Those feelings do not feel good and will eventually lead to resentment. There is abundance for everybody and it is each person’s responsibility to summon their own desires. You cannot summon for another person because you cannot think and feel for another. Your job is You. When you make feeling good a priority, that magnificent frequency will radiate and touch everyone close to you.
You become the solution for you. Don’t point to another person and say, “Now you owe me and you need to give me more.” Instead, give more to yourself. Take time off to give to yourself, and in a sense to fill yourself up to fullness, to where now you can overflow in giving.
“To acquire love … fill yourself up with it until you become a magnet.”
Charles Haanel
Many of us were taught to put ourselves last, and as a consequence we attracted feelings of being unworthy and undeserving. As those feelings lodged within us, we continued to attract more life situations that had us feel more unworthy and not enough. You must change that thinking.
“Undoubtedly to some, the idea of giving so much love to self will seem very cold, hard and unmerciful. Still this matter may be seen in a different light, when we find that ‘looking out for Number One,’ as directed by the Infinite, is really looking out for Number Two and is indeed the only way to permanently benefit Number Two.”
Prentice Mulford
Unless you fill yourself up first, you have nothing to give anybody. Therefore it is imperative that you tend to You first. Attend to your joy first. People are responsible for their own joy. When you tend to your joy and do what makes you feel good, you are a joy to be around and you are a shining example to every child and every person in your life. When you are feeling joy you don’t even have to think about giving. It is a natural overflow.
I got into many relationships expecting my partner to show me my beauty, because I didn’t see my own beauty. When I was growing up, my heroes or my “she-roes” were the Bionic Woman, Wonder Woman, and Charlie’s Angels. And while they’re wonderful, they didn’t look like me. It wasn’t until I fell in love with Lisa—I fell in love with my mocha skin, my full lips, my round hips, my curly black hair—it wasn’t until that happened that the rest of the world was able to fall in love with me as well.
The reason you have to love You is because it is impossible to feel good if you don’t love You. When you feel bad about yourself, you are blocking all the love and all the good that the Universe has for you.
When you feel bad about yourself it feels as though you are sucking the life out of you, because all of your good, on every single subject—including health, wealth, and love—is on the frequency of joy and feeling good. The feeling of having unlimited energy, and that amazing feeling of health and wellness, are all on the frequency of feeling good. When you don’t feel good about You, you are on a frequency that is attracting more people, situations, and circumstances that will continue to make you feel bad about You.
You must change your focus and begin to think about all the things that are wonderful about You. Look for the positives in You. As you focus on those things, the law of attraction will show you more great things about You. You attract what you think about. All you have to do is begin with one prolonged thought of something good about You, and the law of attraction will respond by giving You more like thoughts. Look for the good things about You. Seek and ye shall find!
There’s something so magnificent about you. I have been studying me for forty-four years. I wanna kiss myself sometimes! Because you’re going to get to love yourself. I’m not talking about conceit. I’m talking about a healthy respect for yourself. And as you love yourself, you’ll automatically love others.
In relationships we’re so used to complaining about other people. For instance, “My coworkers are so lazy, my husband makes me so mad, my children are so difficult.” It’s always focusing on the other person. But for relationships to really work, we need to focus on what we appreciate about the other person, not what we’re complaining about. When we’re complaining about those things we’re only getting more of those things.
Even if you’re having a really hard time in a relationship—things aren’t working, you’re not getting along, someone’s in your face—you still can turn that relationship around. Take a piece of paper, and for the next thirty days sit down and write all the things that you appreciate about that person. Think about all the reasons that you love them. You appreciate their sense of humor, you appreciate how supportive they are. And what you’ll find is that when you focus on appreciating and acknowledging their strengths, that’s what you’ll get more of, and the problems will fade away.
Oftentimes you give others the opportunity to create your happiness, and many times they fail to create it the way you want it. Why? Because only one person can be in charge of your joy, of your bliss, and that’s you. So even your parent, your child, your spouse—they do not have the control to create your happiness. They simply have the opportunity to share in your happiness. Your joy lies within you.
All your joy is on the frequency of love—the highest and the most powerful frequency of all. You can’t hold love in your hand. You can only feel it in your heart. It is a state of being. You can see evidence of love being expressed through people, but love is a feeling, and you are the only one that can radiate and emit that feeling of love. Your ability to generate feelings of love is unlimited, and when you love you are in complete and utter harmony with the Universe. Love everything you can. Love everyone you can. Focus only on things you love, feel love, and you will experience that love and joy coming back to you—multiplied! The law of attraction must send you back more things to love. As you radiate love, it will appear as though the entire Universe is doing everything for you, moving every joyful thing to you, and moving every good person to you. In truth, it is.