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PRINCIPLE 1:
Avoid Assumptions
STEP 1 = enter the negotiation with multiple hypotheses on what the other party wants
STEP 2 = use all the information they give to test each hypothesis; abandoning the ones that prove to be invalid.
PRINCIPLE 2:
Listen First
Make your primary objective to focus on everything the other person says.
REASON: to calm the common tendency to focus on self. This tendency causes us to miss potentially useful information that we can leverage against the other side. As well, when they see and feel that they are being listened to, feelings of safety and trust increases.
NOTE: Consider having multiple people sit in on the negotiation in order to pick up information you might not pick up on.
PRINCIPLE 3:
Slow Down AND Use a Soothing Tone
Going too fast causes people feel like they are not being heard. This will often leave the other side remembering the separation between the two of you instead of the similarities. Going slow also helps you to maintain a soothing vocal tone.
HACK: if appropriate(especially via phone) try smiling to help you get your vocal tone more soothing and agreeable
PRINCIPLE 4:
Get people to invite information by mirroring their statements in combination with questions
I don't want to make monthly payments
EXAMPLE:
I understand you don't want to make monthly payments, if you did though, how would that affect you?
Avoid interjecting. Provide them the opportunity to respond to the mirror.
REASON: mirroring demonstrates respect and concern
NOTE: In 1 study of waiters, those who mirrored customer orders compared to those who gave agreeable statements got tipped better (Richard Wiseman)
How to use mirroring with an aggressive person:
1) soothing vocal tone
2) use "i'm sorry"
3) mirror
4) silence after mirroring
5) repeat
