Unreality is the true source of powerlessness.

What we do not understand, we cannot control.

—Charles Reich

There is a touching moment in Arthur Miller’s play Death of a Salesman when pathetic Willy Loman turns to his wealthy brother and asks, “Oh, Ben, how did you do it? What is the answer?”

For all of us—losers and winners alike—Willy is asking for the all-embracing formula for success in the game of life.

If life is a game, negotiation is a way of life. If you want to succeed, you must try to comprehend the game in its entirety.

Initially you must be reality oriented—seeing things as they really are without passing judgment. It is all too common for people to look at their situation selectively and pass their own moral judgment. Avoid this subjectivity, since it can only translate itself into wishful thinking. Rather, “See it like it is!” Although the subject matter and the players change from one negotiation to another, the essential ingredients are three, and they remain the same.

Picture this in your mind’s eye: Several men, with faces as impassive as they can make them, huddled around a table in a smoke-filled room. It’s late at night. What are they doing? They’re trying to resolve something by engaging in a strategic contest, a contest governed by precedent and ritual. What’s the contest about? It might easily be politics, poker … or negotiation.

In politics, poker, and negotiation, success derives not only from holding a strong hand, but from analyzing the total situation so cards can be skillfully played. Even the slickest, best-positioned contestant makes little headway unless he takes into account hard-nosed realities affecting everyone. You see, in order to influence an outcome—in politics, poker, or negotiation—you must realistically analyze the other side’s position, as well as your own, in light of three ever-present tightly interrelated variables:

1. POWER

2. TIME

3. INFORMATION