I’m only going to say a few words on this topic, because this type of mentoring is usually not directly related to the path of management. With that said, at some point in our careers most of us will engage in some degree of technical mentoring, career mentoring, or both. Many of us will also be given a mentor, or perhaps be encouraged to find a mentor. How can you make this type of mentoring effective?
The best mentoring relationships evolve naturally and in the context of larger work. When a senior engineer mentors a junior engineer on the team in order to help him be more productive, they can work on problems together that are relevant to both of them. The senior engineer gets value because the code written by the mentee is better, requires fewer revisions, and develops faster. The junior engineer obviously gets the value of hands-on instruction and access to someone with a deep understanding of the context he is working in. This type of mentoring is usually not a formal relationship and may be an expected part of the job for senior engineers because it delivers so much value to the team.
Many companies run formal mentoring programs where they match people up across teams, and while these programs can sometimes enhance networks, they are often an ambiguous obligation for both the mentor and the mentee. If you find yourself in one of these relationships, the best thing you can do is be specific about your expectations and goals around it.
Tell your mentee what you expect from him. If you want him to come prepared for your meetings with questions he has sent you in advance, ask for that. Be explicit about your time commitment. And then be honest with him when he asks questions. There’s no point in being a mentor to a relative stranger if you can’t at least use that professional distance to offer him the kind of candid advice that he may not get from his manager or coworkers.
It’s also OK to say no to mentoring. Sometimes you can feel obligated to say yes to every person who asks you for help, but your time is valuable. Don’t do it unless you think it will be rewarding for you and the person you’re mentoring. If someone asks you to be his mentor and you can’t accept, it’s best just to say that you can’t do it. Don’t feel like you must give him a reason just because he asked. When your manager asks you to mentor someone and you don’t have the time to do it, saying no is trickier. You may need to give your manager some reasons, such as your current workload, a planned vacation, or other commitments that would make mentoring impossible. Whatever you do, don’t say yes and then fail to actually do the mentoring work.
Think about what you want to get out of this relationship, and come prepared to your sessions. This advice is especially relevant if you’re getting mentorship from someone outside of your company, who is not being paid but is volunteering as a friendly gesture. You owe it to this person not to waste her time. If you don’t have the time to prepare or don’t feel that preparation is necessary, ask yourself whether the mentoring relationship is really something you need at all. Sometimes we end up with mentors because someone thinks we should have them, but there are only so many people we can meet for coffee, and only so many hours in the day. You don’t have to have a mentor. Maybe instead you need a friend, or a therapist, or a coach. It can be easy to undervalue your mentor’s time, because you usually aren’t paying for it, so be respectful and consider finding a paid professional to help you instead.