activated: An internal process whereby one is reminded of a memory via sight, sound, smell, or touch. The stimulus that initiates the memory recall and often leads to a change in one’s mood or behavior. See also triggers.
age of wounding: The age at which an initial emotional wounding occurs, usually in childhood. An age representing a part that did not mature emotionally with the rest of one.
attuned/attunement: To resonate and connect emotionally with the inner world of another and reflect this back to them. To feel connected or aligned on a deep energetic and emotional level with another.
authenticity: To have a sense of freedom of self-expression. Congruence with how one feels inside with how one presents outside.
boundaries: A sense of where one person ends and another begins, which creates emotional safety in personal relationships. Established through words or actions.
boundary violation: A lack of respect or acknowledgment for a boundary that is implied or spoken. Boundary violations can come from oneself or from another person.
bubble boundary: A semi-permeable, flexible yet rigid boundary whereby one keeps another or others at arm’s length emotionally. Simultaneously being guarded and open.
carried feelings: Feelings that were put on an individual by someone else, or feelings an individual picked up from another person thinking they were that individual’s responsibility to hold. Often leads to having emotional overreactions.
childhood family: The family in which one was raised. Could be a birth family, an adopted family, a foster family, or a blended family.
codependent: Having a higher regard, esteem, love, trust, and respect for someone else than one has for oneself. The over-reliance on other people for a sense of self or validation of self.
core wounding: An emotional trauma that happens at one time or over the course of time that impacts sense of self, choices, and life outcomes.
discernment: Having clarity for what one likes and doesn’t like. The ability to look through many elements to find that which rings true for an individual.
dissociate/dissociation: To internally disconnect or “escape” an abusive or traumatic situation or person by mentally departing from a present sensory and physical reality. Typically occurs during the trauma but can also occur afterward, in which the individual appears to be daydreaming or “spacing out.”
emotions: A subjective state of mind that can be a reaction to an internal stimulus, such as a thought or memory, or a reaction to an external event. Can manifest both consciously or subconsciously.
emotional response tools: Generally developed in childhood, although learned throughout the lifespan. Such tools create a catalogue of reactions, behaviors, thoughts, and feelings toward a stimulus. Tools can be functional, as in helping an individual achieve their goals, or wounded, which work against the individual. Both types of emotional response tools are internally developed without initial conscious knowledge of which tools are “good” or “bad.”
emotional standouts: Events from one’s past that have a weighted impact on how one sees oneself and one’s life. Memory experiences recalled without a lot of effort; can be of pain or great joy.
emotionally unavailable: The absence of knowing how to give or receive emotions within a relationship. Connection to feelings are shut down or ignored. The emotionally unavailable person does not recognize this deficit within themselves, nor do they realize when others need emotional validation and support. Usually passed down from one generation to the next until the cycle is healed.
enmeshment: To be so close to someone else, usually a family member, that one doesn’t know where others begin and the individual ends. Found in dysfunctional family dynamics in which everyone is in everyone else’s business and tells others what to do. Boundaries that are fuzzy, unclear, or utilized only part time.
explicit memories: Also known as declarative memories. The conscious retrieval and recollection of long-term memories consisting of experiences, ideas, and facts.
external boundaries: Statements or actions toward others that demonstrate and declare what is acceptable and unacceptable to an individual.
extreme boundary: Blocking, shutting down, “ghosting,” leaving town,
or putting up high emotional walls between oneself and another or others.
false self: An unconscious negative self-concept that usually originates in and is reinforced by the family of origin. An illusion that one is less-than, bad, defective, or broken.
feelings: Emotional states or reactions such as anger, joy, and sadness.
The conscious experience of emotional reactions.
functional response tools: A response to a situation that comes from an authentic and grounded place. Usually a productive response that encourages better relationship dynamics and a more positive outcome. Developed throughout the lifespan.
grounded: To feel centered within oneself and solid about a thought, feeling, or response. A feeling or response that originates from a healed place, not from a place of pain.
healing letters: Symbolic letters of affection to one’s younger self or adult self that express deep feelings of validation, love, and care. Written fast and furiously as an energy exchange coming from inside the individual. Such letters are not given, mailed, or shared; they are meant to be shredded or burned after writing. They create a dialogue to encourage the integration of the lost wounded parts of the self with the responsible adult self.
implicit memories: The use of past experiences to remember things without thinking about them. It does not require conscious retrieval; that is, a red light means stop and green means go.
impulsive reactions: Responding to a stimulus without much thought. A quick reaction that often does not come from a grounded place within but from a place of wounding or pain.
inner child: A concept a person envisions that holds the emotional imprinted memory from childhood. Can be authentic and emotionally unencumbered or wounded and traumatic. If wounded, it can be referred to as the wounded inner child or the lost inner child. A representation of one’s younger self. Also referred to as a “part” or “parts” of someone.
integration: The dynamic process of joining the lost, wounded inner child with the functional and responsible adult self. A place of healing accomplished through introspection, self-reflection, and development of a greater perspective of one’s life events and emotional landscape. A feeling of being whole, not fragmented or scattered.
internal boundaries: Commitments and agreements with oneself about what are acceptable and unacceptable thoughts, feelings, and behaviors one chooses for one’s life and how one wants to express them.
magical thinking: To look at a solution or situation through a lens of fantasy or innocence that is not practical or realistic. A reactive response when not wanting to connect with reality and leaving out key details of exactly how something could be accomplished. A childlike response to a complex situation.
mind reading: Also known as fortune telling. Projecting onto someone else one’s own fears, insecurities, and shortcomings. Making up falsehoods.
narrative: The story one embodies relating to who they are, what they are like, and what they feel they deserve. The story can be based on fact, falsehoods, or distorted beliefs of oneself.
needs: Basic necessities of life required for a functional survival: love,
nurturing, food, shelter, clothing, and so on. More than just food and shelter, and not superfluous or a luxury. Needs fulfill a sense of self-worth and esteem at a deep fundamental level.
needless: The absence of asking or giving to oneself that which is necessary to live safely, comfortably, or able to have an emotionally fulfilling life. Through neglecting the needs of the self, the child develops and carries a false belief that they have no legitimate needs. By ignoring their needs in adulthood, such an individual does not have to face the painful reality that their basic needs were not met in childhood. Often originates from an emotionally unavailable household in which the child eventually stops asking for their needs to be met. This results in the adult having difficulty knowing how to make intimate connections with others because their basic emotional needs were neither met nor mirrored by their parents.
opposition: To be incongruent with another’s opinion, belief, or behavior.
projection: A person’s unconscious and unresolved emotional pain directed toward another, often in the form of finding fault in others. Identifying a wounding within someone else that is not healed within oneself and then shaming that person for one’s own issues.
recycled pain: Feelings or memories that repeatedly come up and do not go away until acknowledged, validated, or healed.
resentment: A hurt feeling that continues to recycle and is hard to move past.
resilience: The ability to find the internal resources to respond to a situation. A source of strength and steadfastness deep within. The
degree to which an individual can bounce back from a situation that occurs unexpectedly.
responsible adult self: A part of oneself that has matured emotionally and responds to a situation in a grounded and functional way. Sets and maintains boundaries for all parts of the self. A champion for all parts of the self.
self-attunement: The process of connecting with the self so that all parts of the self are congruent, balanced, and whole. To consciously know and be in alignment with the needs of the authentic self.
suppression: When an individual consciously tries to push a memory out of their awareness. Willing oneself to forget about something.
synergistic: The dynamic interaction and cooperation of persons, places, or things that creates something that is greater than any one of the parts. To feel connected on a deep level with another, resulting in an idea or feeling that cannot be achieved by someone on their own.
traumatic core wounding: A deep, profound emotional wounding that can be physical, mental, emotional, or sexual in nature. Takes longer to process and heal.
trigger/triggering event: A present-day situation, sight, sound, smell, or touch that activates a memory of a past event, usually traumatic. See also activated.
wants: A desire or wish to possess or experience something. That which is not needed but would be nice to have. That which is fleeting and not long-lasting.
wantless: To forego any idea of desire for someone or something else. Often seen in individuals who grew up in an emotionally
unavailable household in which basic needs and wants were neglected or ignored. Wantless individuals do not know how to express what they like or do not like.
wounded emotional response tools: An emotional response tool that is rooted in a place of fear or pain within an individual and creates poor or dysfunctional lifelong relationship patterns. Developed throughout the lifespan.
wounded parts; wounded self; wounded, lost inner child: Terms that refer to the conscious and unconscious emotional aspects of oneself that are not healed and are often emotionally buried. Internal emotional wounds that are not seen or known to others but show up in indirect ways, such as passive-aggressiveness, self- sabotage, and patterns of making bad choices, often resulting in negative outcomes.