Acknowledgments
Introduction
1. The Walking Wounded
Recycled Pain
Repeating Poor Choices
Impulsive Reactions
Exercise: Your Impulsive Reactions
How Wounding Shows Up
A Word about Parents
Our Wounding Stories
Story: Steven, an Emotionally Abandoned Teenage Boy
The Inner Child
2. HEALing Emotional Wounds
How the HEAL Process Works
The Responsible Adult Self
Story: Jennifer and Her Repeating Cycles
Functional Response Tools
Exercise: Your Current Functional Response Tools
Goals of the HEAL Process
Authenticity
Resilience
Attunement
Discernment
Exercise: Self-Discernment
Unfreezing the Wounding
Boundaries
Integration
Story: Anya, a Brave Little Girl
3. The Lost Inner Child
My Story
Exercise: Write Your Thoughts
The Many Forms of Wounding
Core Wounding
Emotionally Frozen Wounds
Deep Trauma Wounding
4. Wounded Child, Wounded Adult
Repeating Patterns
Story: Bridget, a Forgotten Little Girl
Your Impulsive Reaction Tools
Exercise: How Your Impulsive Reaction Tools Developed
Broken Boundaries
No Boundaries
Exercise: No Boundaries and/or Enmeshment
Bubble Boundaries
Extreme Boundaries
Angry Boundaries
Using Feeling Words
Severe Trauma and Dissociation
Story: Marianne’s Severe Childhood Trauma
5. Applying the HEAL Process
The Childhood Timeline
Creating Your Timeline
The Emotional Response Scale
Your Childhood Household
Exercise: Your Treasure Chest
Emotional Standouts
Your Age of Wounding
Other Ways to Find Your Age of Wounding
Recurring Patterns
Exercise: Simple Breath
Identifying Triggers
Exercise: Identify Your Triggers
Story: Judith, a Rejected Teenage Girl
Writing Healing Letters to Yourself
Letter from Your Younger Self to Your Adult Self
Your Turn
Letter from Your Adult Self to Your Younger Self
Moving through the Process
Story: Letters from Jason, a Teenage Boy
Assess Your Progress
Exercise: Developing Functional Tools to Manage Triggering Events
6. Boundaries
Creating Healthy Boundaries
Setting Internal Boundaries
Setting External Boundaries
“I” Statements
Story: Bernard, a Married Man Having Emotional Affairs
Setting Responsible Boundaries
Saying Yes When You Mean No
What Happened to the “No” Muscle
Choosing Healthy Boundaries
Unforeseen Consequences
Relaxing Bubble Boundaries
Story: Jessica and Her Double Layer of Protection
Exercise: Bubble with a Window
Setting Boundaries in Small Steps
Picket Fence Boundaries
Exercise: Determining Your Boundary Status
Practicing Discernment
Self-Coaching
7. The Responsible Adult Self Steps Up
Learning to Say No
Speaking Your Truth
Exercise: Old Boundary Patterns
Story: Chandler, an Addicted Young Man
Developing Functional Response Tools
Exercise: Developing Your New Functional Tools
Using Your New Tools
Pressing the Reset Button
Shifting Perspective
8. Integrating the Wounded Child
How You Know You Are Healing
Transitions
Bridging the Gaps
You Have Come So Far
Embracing Your Authentic Self
Living an Authentic Life
Appendix A
Feelings Charts
Appendix B
Needs Inventory
Appendix C
Resources
Glossary
About the Author