To my late parents, Rose Mary and Bob Jackman, thank you for always believing in me and for filling and expanding my heart with your love. Deep within, I carry the solid foundation of family, love, and believing in myself that you both established. Thank you for always encouraging me to follow my dreams and to go for it. I miss your presence on Earth every day.
To my sister, Cindy Van Liere, thank you for always being there for me, for your spark of life and the brightness you bring to the world. Thank you for being so much more than just my sister; you are my friend. Every day in so many ways you make me proud to be your big brother. I can’t imagine my life without you in it. You are a beautiful person inside and out. I love you.
To my love, Drew Caldwell, thank you for your kindness and sweet, loving, committed energy over the last thirty years. Thank you for always thinking I’m incredible and can do anything I set my mind to. Thank you for your grace and compassion when my woundings showed up. I wouldn’t be the man I am today without you, and I can’t imagine sharing this journey with anyone else. I love you.
Thank you to all those over the course of my career who have come to me professionally and shared the story of your inner child. My consciousness expands, learns, and is enriched by each of you, and for that I am humbly grateful.
To all of my friends who listened to me go on and on about the book I was writing and who gave me unlimited encouragement and love, thank you.
To my brothers in Victories for Men, your authentic expressions helped to create a safe place for me to reveal and discover more about myself. In 2008 I started searching to know myself better and to find more ways to heal my woundings. I started attending Victories for Men weekend retreats, where I met other men who were searching how to heal their wounded inner child. I was able to see men being courageous and vulnerable, open-hearted and compassionate. Not only did I meet other like-minded men and develop deep friendships, I also learned how to demonstrate healthy masculinity. I repaired big parts of my distorted worldview of what it means to be a man, and worked on my childhood wounding so that I could fully embrace my authentic self. Thank you, brothers. Victoriesformen.org
To my mentor Kristin Armstrong, who taught me the value of creating a strong boundary system in order to have a fulfilling life, and that self-love can be found in our wounded past. Your wise counsel over the years has helped me more than you know. Thank you for being my friend.
Thank you to my other mentor, the late Rev. Don Burt, who taught me that “families are places where people are made” and to remember that I am a spiritual being having a human experience.
A special acknowledgment goes to the way-showers and thought leaders in the fields of psychology, philosophy, and spirituality who have influenced my own healing as well as my work in creating the HEAL process. I stand on the shoulders of these giants.
Thank you to the late John Bradshaw, author of Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child. Twenty years ago I went to a weekend retreat where John Bradshaw and Claudia Black took us through his process, and I learned how to connect even deeper with my inner child. I credit John Bradshaw with helping me understand the deep healing that can come about through writing to the inner child and how its integration with the adult self is key to the entire process.
Thank you to Pia Mellody, author of Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes From, How It Sabotages Our Lives, for her groundbreaking work in the field of codependency. I went to her intensive weeklong training called Post Induction Therapy, where I learned the concepts of looking at my past through a trauma timeline and identifying the woundings that happened along the way. I also learned through her work how we navigate trauma as children, the function of healthy boundary systems, and how they create safety in our personal relationships. I expanded on her work to create the concepts of the wounded impulsive response tool, the timeline blueprint concept, and the Emotional Response Scale. The term “functional adult” was originally coined by Pia Mellody and Terry Real.
Thank you to Babette Rothschild, author of The Body Remembers: The Psychophysiology of Trauma and Trauma Treatment, whose work helped me clearly understand brain functioning during a traumatic experience, how memory works, how trauma resonance is stored in the body, and the role of the therapist in creating a safe environment for others to explore and heal traumas.
Thank you to my friend Ross Rosenberg, author of The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap. In his book, Ross explores the attraction of the narcissist and the codependent, and explains the origins of the deep wounding patterns that keep resurfacing in codependent behaviors until they are healed. Thank you for being a way-shower for so many, Ross.
Early in my psychotherapy study I was inspired by psychologist Carl Jung, who is often referenced as the originator of the concept of the inner child in his divine child archetype. Jung wrote, “In every adult there lurks a child—an eternal child, something that is always becoming, is never completed and calls for unceasing care, attention and education. That is the part of the human personality which wants to develop and become whole.”1
Thank you to Dr. Eric Berne, author of Games People Play: The Psychology of Human Relationships, who developed the concept of transactional analysis. Dr. Berne also developed the idea of the child ego state, which eventually became known as the concept of the inner child. His theory describes that the ego state, or the inner child, is the part of us that holds our blocked emotional energy. In order to heal, we need to reconnect with the inner child to give that part a voice so it can release this pain. His work, along with other influencers, helped me develop more fully the idea of the responsible adult self and the age of wounding concepts.
Other thought leaders who have influenced my work are Louise Hay, author of You Can Heal Your Life; Alice Miller, author of The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self; Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma; and Dr. Joe Dispenza, author of Becoming Supernatural: How Common People Are Doing the Uncommon.
A special acknowledgment goes to my editor, Jessica Vineyard, at Red Letter Editing. Jessica, you were certainly the sherpa who guided me every step of the way, helping my dream become a reality. Thank you from my heart. Through your expert guidance and inspiration, my ideas and concepts have become manifest.
Thank you to Martha Bullen at Bullen Publishing Services for your expert guidance in helping to fine-tune the messaging of the book and prepare it to send out to the world. To Christy Collins at Constellation Book Services, thank you for making my book look great inside and out. Each of you were my goddesses helping to birth this book. Thank you.