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Tools for recovery

Here is a recap of some of the teachings that can be used as tools to help you with your recovery. We are all different and not all the things we offer to help with recovery may work for you. So we invite you to try them out and discover which ones resonate most with you.

The most essential tool for anybody’s recovery is the breath. When we notice the breath, connect to the breath, it will slow us down and help us to pause. In these pauses we get to know what we are thinking and feeling, and can begin to make choices with clarity.

 

Recap of Dharma tools in the book

As outlined in the “Audio downloads” section (p.ix), some of these tools are included as free downloads. There are additional meditations (21-day meditation recovery) at http://thebuddhistcentre.com/eightsteps.

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Three-minute breathing space, AGE (see p.23).
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Understanding the four noble truths: there is suffering; a path that leads to more suffering; an end of suffering; and a path that takes you away from suffering (see p.15).
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Counting the costs of your addiction (see pp.103–5).
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Understanding the four reminders: life is precious; death is inevitable; actions have consequences; suffering and dissatisfaction are part of everyday life (see p.34).
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Recognizing your triggers and high-risk situations (see pp.54 & 56).
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Understanding that thoughts are not facts (see pp.62–5).
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Understanding impermanence: everything changes (see p.79).
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Mirror-like wisdom (see p.87).
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Chanting mantras: om mani padme hum; om tare tuttare ture svaha; om vajrasattva hum (see pp.92, 139 and website).
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Kindness reflection (see p.99).
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Creating a safe and kind space (see p.102).
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The four basic needs of the heart: learning to give yourself some attention, affection, appreciation, and acceptance (see p.76 and website).
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Learning to give yourself some loving-kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity (see p.175).
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Practicing the five training principles to help train your mind (see pp.126–31 and website):
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I undertake to abstain from harming life; with deeds of loving-kindness I purify my body.
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I undertake to abstain from taking the not-given; with open-handed generosity I purify my body.
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I undertake to abstain from sexual misconduct; with stillness, simplicity, and contentment I purify my body.
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I undertake to abstain from false speech; with truthful communication I purify my speech.
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I undertake to abstain from taking intoxicants; with mindfulness clear and radiant I purify my mind.
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Experiencing regret for past actions (see p.132).
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Making amends (see p.133).
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Making a plan before a promise (see p.135).
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Admitting your faults with compassion (see p.137).
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Placing positive values at the center of your life (see p.143).
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Connecting to your values (see p.144).
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Practicing the four efforts: preventing and eradicating unhelpful mental states, and cultivating and maintaining helpful mental states (see p.167).
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Recognizing the hindrances (see p.169).
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Being kind to yourself when you have had a slip (see p.165).
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Helping others (see p.189).
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Developing the five spiritual faculties: faith, energy, mindfulness, concentration, and wisdom (see p.195).

 

Meditation

We have also spoken a lot about meditation and how this can aid recovery, how it can help cultivate a sober mind, a mind that is calm, still, and peaceful. We introduced short versions of the Mindfulness of Breathing and loving-kindness meditation. For those of you who have enjoyed practicing them, we outline below fuller versions of both of these meditations. They too can be most helpful for recovery.

 

The Mindfulness of Breathing

For as long as the meditation subject is connected with counting it is with the help of that very counting that the mind becomes unified, just as a boat in a swift current is steadied with the help of a rudder.1

This meditation is all about coming back to the breath. Every time you find your mind caught up in thoughts, planning the next things to do, or distracted by a conversation you had earlier, you just come back to the breath. With kind awareness you notice you are distracted and gently come back to the breath. The more you notice how distracted your mind is the more you are engaging with the practice of meditation. So let’s begin.

Prepare yourself for this meditation by using the three-minute breathing space, AGE. Use this as preparation for settling yourself in a chair or on meditation cushions. Once you have settled down, become aware of your breath, allow yourself to appreciate your breath, rejoicing in every in- and out-breath, because without the breath there would be no life, no beauty, no opportunity for transformation. Now become aware of your sitting posture, and try to fully engage with the present moment. This meditation is split into four stages:

 

1.

We breathe in and out, and then count “one” silently to ourselves. Breathe in and out, and count “two” silently to ourselves. Breathe in and out, and count “three” silently to ourselves. We keep going in this way until we reach “ten,” and then we go back to the beginning, breathing in and out, counting “one,” and all the way up to “ten” again. We repeat this counting sequence over and over again for five or ten minutes. (If you are dyslexic or numbers seem daunting, you can do this first stage by saying silently to yourself as you breathe in: “Breathing in, I’m breathing in.” And as you breathe out you say: “Breathing out, I’m breathing out.” And you repeat these phrases, coming back to the breath every time you have wandered.)
 

2.

Next we tag the breath before breathing in. We count “one” silently to ourselves, and then breathe in and out. We count “two” silently to ourselves, and then breathe in and out. We count “three” silently to ourselves, and then breathe in and out. We keep going in this way until we reach “ten,” and then we go back to the beginning, counting “one,” breathing in and out, and all the way up to “ten” again. We repeat this counting sequence over and over again for five or ten minutes. (In this stage, if numbers are an issue, you can say silently to yourself as you breathe in: “Lifting,” and as you breathe out: “Falling.” You repeat this over and over again, and if the mind wanders you bring it back to the breath.)
 

3.

In this stage we let go of the counting, and become aware of the breath, giving continuous attention to the flow of the breath going in and out of the body, without altering its natural flow. We become aware of how the breath may fill our lungs, chest, or abdomen; we become aware of the whole breath. If we stray into internal dialogue, or wandering thoughts, we try not to engage, but gently bring ourselves back to the breath. We follow the breath for five or ten minutes.
 

4.

In this final stage we work at becoming more aware of the subtleties of the breath, becoming aware of its sensation, and especially the sensations of the breath entering the body through the nostrils, the sensations on the upper lip or in the throat. We try to be receptive to the cool or warm brushing sensation of the breath as it enters the body. Sensation on the upper lip or inside the nostrils can be tickling, itchiness, sharp pain, pulsing, or heat. If you feel something, then this is sensation. We put our whole attention onto the area of the upper lip and nostrils and focus as much as we can for five or ten minutes. We are working with full attention to try to refine our concentration.

In the first two stages, if we find ourselves counting beyond ten, then we just gently bring ourselves back to one, without getting hooked into why or how we got distracted. Being aware of our counting beyond ten is part of becoming more focused. Also, if we lose count and don’t know which number we are on, we just notice that has happened and start again at one. Mindfulness of Breathing is noticing that our mind has become distracted, noticing that we have counted beyond ten, noticing we have not got beyond three, and bringing ourselves back to the breath. Similarly, in the last two stages, if we find our mind wandering, caught up in thinking, we just notice and let go of the thinking and come back to the breath. If we keep on noticing how distracted we are and keep on bringing ourselves back to the breath throughout all four stages, we are practicing Mindfulness of Breathing.

Through focusing on the breath continuously, we will eventually become one with the breath. The Mindfulness of Breathing is a practice of concentration, which is an important component of recovery. However, concentration is only one aspect of mindfulness meditation. In mindfulness-based approaches for depression, addiction, and relapse prevention, the emphasis is on awareness. We notice where the mind has gone off to, so that we start to be able to recognize our habits. Then we learn to turn toward them, so that we are more able to contain our difficult emotions.

If we are continually being distracted, then it is very difficult to recognize our stumbling blocks. Therefore, coming back to the breath every time we are distracted begins to break the seductive habit of distraction. The Mindfulness of Breathing is also a practice of compassion. We must be kind and gentle with ourselves when we notice we have become distracted. When this happens, we gently bring ourselves back to the breath. This is the same in recovery: when we notice we have lapsed or relapsed, we gently bring ourselves back to our focus of recovery without beating ourselves up.

 

Loving-kindness meditation: the Metta Bhavana

“To reteach a thing its loveliness” is the nature of metta. Through lovingkindness, everyone and everything can flower again from within. When we recover knowledge of our own loveliness and that of others, self-blessing happens naturally and beautifully.2

“Metta” is a Pali word for unconditional loving-kindness. It is the first of the four attitudes necessary for our well-being and inner peace. The other three attitudes – compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity – grow out of a strong practice of metta. These four attitudes help to support the basic needs of the heart, which are attention, affection, appreciation, and acceptance. The practice of metta is about focusing upon our heart. It is the loving-kindness that a good parent has toward their child, even to the extent of risking their own life while protecting their child. When we have cultivated metta, there is an absence of attitudes like resentment, jealousy, anger, hatred, and ill will.

Metta Bhavana is also sometimes known as the meditation of unlimited friendliness, sometimes called the Maitri Bhavana. Friendliness is an antidote for ill will. If we have a mind full of hate and anger for the world, it will only make us restless, irritable, and negative, and our view of the world will be quite narrow and limited. By cultivating metta we can begin to cultivate healthier states of mind whenever we wish, helping us to cultivate abstinence and sobriety in our lives. There are many people who don’t love themselves, and enter a relationship so that someone will love them. If we want to be loved by another person healthily and well, we must first learn to love ourselves. If we want to love others well, we must also learn to love ourselves. People who don’t love themselves will love others back from their place of craving, neediness, and attachment, which will inevitably lead to some form of suffering.

Metta is the practice of unconditional love. It has the capacity to open up the heart area, and has no expectations of reciprocity or rewards. In loving we expect nothing back, we are in total harmony with ourselves, not craving for affirmation, approval, or love. This is why it is important to learn to love ourselves. A lack of well-being toward ourselves can have two disastrous consequences. First, it means that our “inner critic” is particularly severe – a persistent and belittling voice that spells out all the reasons why we cannot do what we are trying to do. Second, it makes us overly dependent upon the opinion of others: we want others to praise (or, sometimes more perversely, condemn) us in a way that we are unable to do ourselves. Loving-kindness is something we can feel on a visceral level. We can think loving-kindness, we can feel it pulsating in our hearts, we can feel it vibrating in our bodies; we can radiate loving-kindness to others too. If you practice metta it will transform your life. Of course, don’t take our word for this. Try practicing metta and be your own judge.

There are many ways to experience this meditation. We offer this way as a suggestion. If you are inspired by the ideal of unconditional loving-kindness and find our suggestions are not working, there are many alternatives available on the Internet and in books. What is important is that we come into awareness with the relationship that we have with ourselves, which in turn can inspire us to begin to learn to love ourselves more, and have an impact on all the other relationships we have in our lives.

There are five stages in this meditation. Before meditating, it is helpful to do a brief preparation. We suggest that you take five minutes to cultivate a response to the basic needs of the heart – attention, affection, appreciation, acceptance. Pay attention to yourself, give yourself some affection, appreciate yourself for opening up to the practice of metta, and accept yourself right now in this moment. Then just sit with the strong wish for yourself not to suffer. In this practice we are cultivating so much loving-kindness that we can radiate it out to our friends, people we don’t know, our enemies, and the whole world. We have the strong wish for absolutely no one to suffer in this world. Each stage of this meditation is an aspect of ourselves. There is an aspect of ourselves that we like, otherwise we wouldn’t be reading this book. There is also an aspect of ourselves we don’t even know, and a part of ourselves we don’t like very much. When we dedicate time to doing this practice of loving-kindness, we begin to accept all aspects of ourselves and others. So let’s begin. We settle ourselves in a chair or on our meditation cushions and start to respond to the four basic needs of the heart in ourselves, with the strong wish not to suffer.

 

1.

Once we are settled, we try to visualize ourselves as we are now, or as a baby. We try to see a photograph of ourselves that we like. If this is too hard, an image of a flower opening or a positive symbol that represents us is fine. We begin to focus on the image of ourselves, or a symbol that resonates for us. Then we say to ourselves from time to time: “May I be happy, may I be well, may I be free from all suffering.” We have the strong wish for ourselves not to suffer. We allow the phrases to resonate in our being, seeing if we can feel the subtle vibrations of the phrases. If this feels difficult, or even scary, we allow ourselves to become aware of the difficulty and pain, but try not to feed it or engage with it, allowing the painful or negative thoughts to arise and burst like bubbles. Eventually, through patience, we will break through and begin to feel genuine thoughts of loving-kindness to ourselves. This may take a long while. Be patient. As long as you have the
 

 

intention of loving yourself, this will be enough, and one day you will feel loving-kindness radiating toward yourself. Self-hatred can become an intoxicant. Beware of this poison of the mind, and practice metta to quell the subtle embers of hatred that can burst into flame at unexpected times. We advise you to work with this first stage for a few weeks, unless of course you are familiar with this meditation. If you are new to this meditation, perhaps just do this first stage daily for a couple of weeks before moving on to the next stages. Give yourself five to ten minutes of metta every day.
 

2.

Once this base of metta has been built up for ourselves, it is hoped that we can begin to give loving-kindness to another human being from a much healthier place in the heart. With the metta that we have cultivated, we begin to think of a good friend, preferably someone who is alive, and someone we don’t have sexual desires for when we first begin this practice. We imagine our friend, visualize them somewhere beautiful, and similarly wish them well: “May they be happy, may they be well, may they be free from all suffering.” We have the strong wish for them not to suffer. We repeat these phrases from time to time while focusing on our friend. If you notice you are able to experience a feeling of metta toward your friend, when you begin the practice next time, see if you can love yourself as much as you loved your friend.
 

3.

By the third stage, a strong basis of well-being for ourselves and another has
 

 

been temporarily cultivated, and on this basis of loving-kindness we try to imagine a neutral person. This person could be the postman, the shopkeeper, the bus driver, the person who lives four doors away from you that you have never said hello to. Somebody we see from time to time during our regular routine, but whom we never really acknowledge or have any strong feelings of like or dislike toward. In this stage we try to visualize them, and become aware that this person is a human being like us, who doesn’t want to suffer. We imagine our neutral person, visualize them somewhere beautiful, and similarly wish them well: “May they be happy, may they be well, may they be free from all suffering.” We have the strong wish for them not to suffer. We repeat these phrases from time to time while focusing on our neutral person. This stage may feel
 

 

difficult and awkward too. If you can, consider that once upon a time all the people we know were neutral. We didn’t know them, but something made us open our hearts to them. In this case, we are using unconditional loving-kindness to open up our hearts. When we radiate loving-kindness to people we don’t know, we are seeing that we are connected to the rest of the world and not separate from it.
 

4.

In this next stage, we choose somebody we are in conflict with. To begin with, we could think of a person who just seems to irritate us for no apparent reason. Or perhaps a friend who has upset us or annoyed us. Once we are experienced with the practice of the Metta Bhavana, we can explore using somebody we have shut out of our lives, or someone we have really difficult issues with, or someone we strongly dislike. We imagine our person of conflict, visualize them somewhere beautiful, and similarly wish
 

 

them well: “May they be happy, may they be well, may they be free from all suffering.” We have the strong wish for them not to suffer. We repeat these phrases from time to time while focusing on the person of conflict. This stage can also be challenging. We try to visualize the person, and get in touch with the fact that they are a human being who does not want to suffer. Although we may be in conflict with them or perhaps dislike them, we remind ourselves that there are people out there in the world who love them and care about them. With this thought, we may be able to break through and begin to feel genuine thoughts of loving-kindness. If strong negative dialogue or thoughts surface,
 

 

just let them arise, don’t engage with them, just acknowledge them and let them pass like clouds. Eventually they will pass and a glimmer of genuine feeling will arise. Having the intention to cultivate loving-kindness toward an enemy may be all we can do right now – and that is OK. Our hearts may close in this stage – notice this and trust in the process of intention. In fact all four stages are aspects of ourselves. There are parts of ourselves we don’t like, parts we do like, and aspects of ourselves we don’t even know. And of course our friends can end up in all the stages too. We make people in our lives enemies of the mind, and so we can also make people friends of the mind. Remember our enemies are our gifts: they help us develop and grow. Make friends with your enemies.
 

5.

In this final stage of the practice, we bring ourselves, our friend, neutral person, and person of conflict all together in our
 

 

imagination and try to equally wish each and every one happiness and freedom from all suffering. This metta is then spread out toward the people who are physically present in our immediate environment, into our neighborhood, into the town we live in, and then we send metta out into the whole wide world, toward all sentient beings. If we have more time to practice, we can alternatively shift our focus to ourselves and, as we do this, imagine our biological lineage – wishing that all our biological family be free from all suffering,
 

 

even the ones we have banished from our hearts. Then we shift our focus to our friends and wish all our family of friends freedom from all suffering, even the ones we don’t speak to or see anymore. Then we shift our focus onto the neutral person and wish all the people in the world we don’t know freedom from all suffering. Then we shift our focus onto the difficult person and wish all our enemies to be free from all suffering. Finally we shift our focus back to ourselves and sit quietly absorbing the practice.

Mindfulness and metta will help to cultivate integration and positive emotion, which is what we all need if we are to begin working with our addictions and/or compulsive behaviors.

We can use the practice of metta to help make amends with people before we do it face to face. We can put the people who have been impacted by our addiction in our meditation and begin to wish that they be well and free from suffering.

The benefits of both practices are far-reaching. We recommend you find a teacher to guide you. You can also contact us at eightstepsrecovery@gmail.com or via our website, or follow us: @8StepRecovery.

You can also contact us via our website (http://thebuddhistcentre.com/eightsteps) for information on the Mindfulness-Based Relapse Prevention course we speak about in this book. Since writing we have decided to rename this course Mindfulness-Based Addiction Recovery (MBAR), because some professionals and clients have said that calling it Relapse Prevention is setting people up for relapse rather than for recovery. We offer training for the trainer to deliver this course, and the eight-week course for people in recovery.

 

What next

Contact your local Buddhist center to learn more about meditation and have the chance to practice with other people. You can find information about our Buddhist centers around the world at http://thebuddhistcentre.com/text/triratna-around-world. But our centers are not the only ones. If you search online for meditation or Buddhist centers, you will find an abundance of places to go to.