We’re grateful to our agent, Stephanie Kip-Rostan, for her help and for introducing us to Sara Carder, our editor at Tarcher, who “got” the book when it was just an outline. Sara’s insight and vision have been invaluable. We thank the entire Tarcher team for the great work they’ve done. In addition, we would like to give special thanks Eddie Sarfaty, Jezra Kaye, Jill Marsal, Giles Anderson, and Smriti Rao. Thanks to Ellen Landau and Lena Verdeli for their valuable comments on parts of the manuscript. Many thanks to Tziporah Kassachkoff, Donald Chesnut, Robert Risko, David Sherman, Jesse Short, Guy Kettelhack, Alexander Levin, Arielle Eckstut, Christopher Gustafson, Oren Tatcher, Dave Shamir, Amnon Yekutieli, Christopher Bergland, Don Summa, Blanche Mackey, Leila Livingston, Michal Malachi Cohen, Adi Segal, and Margaret and Michael Korda.

We want to acknowledge the volunteers who shared their intimate experiences and personal thoughts with us. We also thank those who took our Applied Adult Attachment questionnaires and gave us feedback on the beta version. Each and every person taught us something useful.

Writing this book would have been impossible without the rich legacy of innovative attachment research upon which we drew. We’re forever indebted to the researchers who made groundbreaking discoveries in this field. They introduced us to a different—and ingenious—way of viewing relationships.

I thank the entire team at the Modiin Educational Psychology Service, where I have worked for the past four years. Their knowledge, insight, and collective wisdom have allowed me to become a better psychologist—as both a therapist and a diagnostician. Working in this supportive and rigorous setting allowed me to continue to learn and to expand my horizons on a daily basis.

I thank the Shinui Institute for Family and Marriage Therapy for introducing me to the systems perspective in psychotherapy, encouraging me to view and treat symptoms within the broadest possible context, taking into account the strong impact of our closest relationships on our lives. I also thank Batya Krieger, my first therapy supervisor, for her encouragement and guidance.

I extend special thanks to the people who influenced my thinking early in my career, including Dr. Harvey Hornstein, not only an outstanding professional and teacher but also an exceptionally generous person, and Dr. W. Warner Burke, for his wisdom and inspiration—both at Columbia University.

I express my gratitude to my parents: my father, Jonathan Frankel, who, to my dismay, didn’t live to see this project come to fruition, and my mother, Edith Rogovin Frankel, who has helped in a multitude of ways. I am also grateful to my husband, Jonathan, for his love, support, friendship, and wisdom, and to my three children, who add depth and meaning to my life every single day.

I’ve been fortunate to find an intellectual home for the past twelve years in the departments of psychiatry and neuroscience at Columbia University, where I’ve had the opportunity to work with superb clinicians and researchers. I am grateful to the many teachers, supervisors, mentors, and colleagues who’ve enriched my life and thinking. I specifically thank those who’ve had ongoing influence on my professional path: Dr. Rivka Eiferman at Hebrew University in Jerusalem, who taught me about the analytic attitude and how to reserve judgment when listening to patients; the late Dr. Jacob Arlow, whose work helped form the core of modern analytic thinking and from whom I was lucky enough to have learned psychotherapeutic practice; Dr. Lisa Mellman and Dr. Ron Rieder, who were instrumental in helping my development as a clinician and a researcher; Dr. Daniel Schechter, Principle Investigator in the Parent-Child Project at Columbia, who introduced me to attachment-based therapy with children and parents in the therapeutic nursery; Dr. Abby Fyer, from whom I learned a great deal in conversations over the years, and who taught me about the importance of the opioid system in attachment; Dr. Clarice Kestenbaum, for teaching me how to work with children and young adults in a very special way; and Dr. David Schaffer, who made my research career possible.

I also thank Dr. Dolores Malaspina, who taught me the basics of epidemiological research and the importance of community samples in medicine; Dr. Bill Byne, who discussed with me the literature on childhood gender nonconformity and taught me how to read scientific literature in a critical way; and Drs. Ann Dolinsky, David Leibow, and Michael Liebowitz, for the clinical teachings, knowledge, and experience they shared with me. Thanks to Dr. Rene Hen for his support through the years; to Dr. Myron Hofer, whose approach to studying development in animal models and whose work on the effects of early attachment on the adult phenotype are exemplary. I value his confidence in my work, and appreciate his guidance.

I would like to express my appreciation and admiration to my current collaborators, Dr. Eric Kandel, Dr. Denise Kandel, Dr. Samuel Schacher, and Dr. Claudia Schmauss. Working with them challenges my intellect and thinking in the best possible way.

Special thanks to the late Dr. Jimmy Schwartz, who gave me my first opportunity to perform neuroscience research; to Dr. Herb Kleber, for his open-door policy and illuminating discussions; to Dr. Francine Cournos, my first long-term therapy supervisor, for all the support she has given me over the years; and to all the friends and colleagues with whom I have been fortunate to work and from whose wisdom I have benefited.

I thank the National Institutes of Health for ongoing support of my research, which has contributed to the writing of this book.

I would like to express special gratitude to my family. Having them as a secure base gives me the courage to explore the world. And last but not least, I thank all my patients, children and adults alike, for sharing their struggles and hopes, frustration and dreams. Being a part of their lives has made me a better, richer person.