NVC Conflict Resolution Steps—A Quick Overview

Before we get deeper into a discussion of some of the other key elements of conflict resolution, let me give you a thumbnail sketch of the steps involved in resolving a conflict between ourselves and somebody else. There are five steps in this process. Either side may express their needs first, but for the sake of simplicity in this overview, let’s assume we begin with our needs.

• First, we express our own needs.
• Second, we search for the real needs of the other person, no matter how they are expressing themselves. If they are not expressing a need, but instead an opinion, judgment, or analysis, we recognize that, and continue to seek the need behind their words, the need underneath what they are saying.
• Third, we verify that we both accurately recognize the other person’s needs, and if not, continue to seek the need behind their words.
• Fourth, we provide as much empathy as is required for us to mutually hear each other’s needs accurately.
• And fifth, having clarified both parties’ needs in the situation, we propose strategies for resolving the conflict, framing them in positive action language.

Throughout, we’re listening to each other with utmost care, avoiding the use of language that implies wrongness on either side.