Exercise 5

RECEIVING EMPATHICALLY VERSUS NON-EMPATHICALLY

To see whether we are in agreement about the verbal expression of empathy, please circle the number in front of each statement in which person B is responding empathically to what is going on within Person A.

1.Person A:How could I do something so stupid?
Person B:Nobody is perfect; you’re too hard on yourself.
2.Person A:If you ask me, we ought to ship all these immigrants back to where they came from.
Person B:Do you really think that would solve anything?
3.Person A:You aren’t God!
Person B:Are you feeling frustrated because you would like me to admit that there can be other ways of interpreting this matter?
4.Person A:I think that you take me for granted. I wonder how you would manage without me.
Person B:That’s not true! I don’t take you for granted.
5.Person A:How could you say a thing like that to me?
Person B:Are you feeling hurt because I said that?
6.Person A:I’m furious with my husband. He’s never around when I need him.
Person B:You think he should be around more than he is?
7.Person A:I’m disgusted with how heavy I’m getting.
Person B:Perhaps jogging would help.
8.Person A:I’ve been a nervous wreck planning for my daughter’s wedding. Her fiancé’s family is not helping. About every day they change their minds about the kind of wedding they would like.
Person B:So you’re feeling nervous about how to make arrangements and would appreciate it if your future in-laws could be more aware of the complications their indecision creates for you?
9.Person A:When my relatives come without letting me know ahead of time, I feel invaded. It reminds me of how my parents used to disregard my needs and would plan things for me.
Person B:I know how you feel. I used to feel that way too.
10.Person A:I’m disappointed with your performance. I would have liked your department to double your production last month.
Person B:I understand that you are disappointed, but we have had many absences due to illness.

Here are my responses for Exercise 5:

  1. I didn’t circle this one because I see Person B giving reassurance to Person A rather than empathically receiving what Person A is expressing.
  2. I see Person B attempting to educate Person A rather than empathically receiving what Person A is expressing.
  3. If you circled this we are in agreement. I see Person B empathically receiving what Person A is expressing.
  4. I didn’t circle this one because I see Person B disagreeing and defending rather than empathically receiving what is going on in Person A.
  5. I see Person B taking responsibility for Person A’s feelings rather than empathically receiving what is going on in Person A. An example of an empathic response might be: “Are you feeling hurt because you would have liked me to agree to do what you requested?”
  6. If you circled this we are in partial agreement. I see Person B receiving Person A’s thoughts. However, I believe we connect more deeply when we receive the feelings and needs being expressed rather than the thoughts. Therefore, I would have preferred it if Person B had said, “So you’re feeling furious because you would like him to be around more than he is?”
  7. I didn’t circle this one because I see Person B giving advice rather than empathically receiving what is going on in Person A.
  8. If you circled this we are in agreement. I see Person B empathically receiving what is going on in Person A.
  9. I didn’t circle this one because I see Person B assuming they understand and talking about their own feelings rather than empathically receiving what is going on in Person A.
  10. I didn’t circle this one because I see Person B starting by focusing on Person A’s feelings but then shifting to explaining.