Exercise 4

EXPRESSING REQUESTS

To see whether we’re in agreement about the clear expression of requests, circle the number in front of each of the following statements in which the speaker is clearly requesting that a specific action be taken.

1. “I want you to understand me.”
2. “I’d like you to tell me one thing that I did that you appreciate.”
3. “I’d like you to feel more confidence in yourself.”
4. “I want you to stop drinking.”
5. “I’d like you to let me be me.”
6. “I’d like you to be honest with me about yesterday’s meeting.”
7. “I would like you to drive at or below the speed limit.”
8. “I’d like to get to know you better.”
9. “I would like you to show respect for my privacy.”
10. “I’d like you to prepare supper more often.”

Here are my responses for Exercise 4:

1. If you circled this number, we’re not in agreement. To me, the word understand does not clearly express a request for a specific action. A request for a specific action might be: “I want you to tell me what you heard me say.”
2. If you circled this number, we’re in agreement that the speaker is clearly requesting a specific action.
3. If you circled this number, we’re not in agreement. To me, the words feel more confidence do not clearly express a request for a specific action. A request for a specific action might be: “I’d like you to take a course in assertiveness training, which I believe would increase your self-confidence.”
4. 4. If you circled this number, we’re not in agreement. To me, the words stop drinking do not express what the speaker wants, but rather what he or she doesn’t want. A request for a specific action might be: “I want you to tell me what needs of yours are met by drinking, and to discuss with me other ways of meeting those needs.”
5. If you circled this number, we’re not in agreement. To me, the words let me be me do not clearly express a request for a specific action. A request for a specific action might be: “I want you to tell me you won’t leave our relationship—even if I do some things that you don’t like.”
6. If you circled this number, we’re not in agreement. To me, the words be honest with me do not clearly express a request for a specific action. A request for a specific action might be: “I want you to tell me how you feel about what I did and what you’d like me to do differently.”
7. If you circled this number, we’re in agreement that the speaker is clearly requesting a specific action.
8. If you circled this number, we’re not in agreement. To me, the words get to know you better do not clearly express a request for a specific action. A request for a specific action might be: “I’d like you to tell me if you would be willing to meet for lunch once a week.”
9. If you circled this number, we’re not in agreement. To me, the words show respect for my privacy do not clearly express a request for a specific action. A request for a specific action might be: “I’d like you to agree to knock before you enter my office.”
10. If you circled this number, we’re not in agreement. To me, the words more often do not clearly express a request for a specific action. A request for a specific action might be: “I’d like you to prepare supper every Monday night.”