Exercise 2

EXPRESSING FEELINGS

If you would like to see whether we’re in agreement about the verbal expression of feelings, circle the number in front of each of the following statements in which feelings are verbally expressed.

  1. “I feel you don’t love me.”
  2. “I’m sad that you’re leaving.”
  3. “I feel scared when you say that.”
  4. “When you don’t greet me, I feel neglected.”
  5. “I’m happy that you can come.”
  6. “You’re disgusting.”
  7. “I feel like hitting you.”
  8. “I feel misunderstood.”
  9. “I feel good about what you did for me.”
  10. “I’m worthless.”

Here are my responses for Exercise 2:

  1. If you circled this number, we’re not in agreement. I don’t consider “you don’t love me” to be a feeling. To me, it expresses what the speaker thinks the other person is feeling, rather than how the speaker is feeling. Whenever the words I feel are followed by the words I, you, he, she, they, it, that, like, or as if, what follows is generally not what I would consider to be a feeling. An expression of feeling in this case might be: “I’m sad,” or “I’m feeling anguished.”
  2. If you circled this number, we’re in agreement that a feeling was verbally expressed.
  3. If you circled this number, we’re in agreement that a feeling was verbally expressed.
  4. If you circled this number, we’re not in agreement. I don’t consider “neglected” to be a feeling. To me, it expresses what the speaker thinks the other person is doing to him or her. An expression of feeling might be: “When you don’t greet me at the door, I feel lonely.”
  5. If you circled this number, we’re in agreement that a feeling was verbally expressed.
  6. If you circled this number, we’re not in agreement. I don’t consider “disgusting” to be a feeling. To me, it expresses how the speaker thinks about the other person, rather than how the speaker is feeling. An expression of feeling might be: “I feel disgusted.”
  7. If you circled this number, we’re not in agreement. I don’t consider “like hitting you” to be a feeling. To me, it expresses what the speaker imagines doing, rather than how the speaker is feeling. An expression of feeling might be: “I am furious at you.”
  8. If you circled this number, we’re not in agreement. I don’t consider “misunderstood” to be a feeling. To me, it expresses what the speaker thinks the other person is doing. An expression of feeling in this case might be: “I feel frustrated,” or “I feel discouraged.”
  9. If you circled this number, we’re in agreement that a feeling was verbally expressed. However, the word good is vague when used to convey a feeling. We can usually express our feelings more clearly by using other words, for example: relieved, gratified, or encouraged.
  10. If you circled this number, we’re not in agreement. I don’t consider “worthless” to be a feeling. To me, it expresses how the speaker thinks about himself or herself, rather than how the speaker is feeling. An expression of feeling in this case might be: “I feel skeptical about my own talents,” or “I feel wretched.”